Just Breathe

There has jut been so much death going on around me lately. I'm constantly reminded that one minute you are here and then poof you're gone just like that. It's a scary realization honestly. For most people a wake up call is in order so you start living differently. But , why is it that it takes someone dying for us to realize the importance of every moment.

I've just been a nervous wreck honestly. And through it all I hear God saying " Relax my child , just breathe". But everything is closing around me and I feel like I can't breathe. My heart is pounding. The pressure to fulfill my destiny is a weight on me. I don't want to run out of time. But I know I have to breathe. I know I can't sweat the small stuff . I know I have to let go.  But

1. I'm trying I get right spiritually. Trust God is a big task but I'm trying. I'm praying more than usual but not as often as I should.

2. I'm fat as hell. Lol , I need to be Naomi Campbell before I leave this earth. This is a little shallow but hey I am human.

3. My relationship status is a mess mess mess mess. I won't even go into that.

4. I have so many years of school left. I just want to be sure I'm going the right way. Don't want to waste anyone's time or money.

I know what I need to do. Just breathe. Just live. But it's easier said than done guys. There are days when you can just do it. Then there are days when you're heart is heavy and you're mind is spinning and not even therapy or gospel music can calm you.

I'll try to keep it together y'all.

Ta Ta ,
Happily Heartless

First Generation College Student.

Being a first generation college student is a blessing and a curse all in the same breath.

Its a blessing because you broke a generational curse of not attending college.

It's a curse because everyone and I mean EVERYONE in your family is depending on you to be better and greater.

High expectations are amazing... but they also can be a burden.

But for me it was something a little more drastic...

I was a first generation High School graduate...

I remember stressing and crying and not thinking I was going to make it.

BUT

I made it and graduated top 10% of  my class at that.

College is so different though.. you constantly questioning you're worth

You can't call family members to ask for advice because they've never  been in your shoes and dont know what to say.

Believe it or not...

Graduating from high school was possibly the best day of my life..

I dont even think my wedding day will be able to compare ( Ok , that's a little dramatic).

But the way my parents looked at me , the way my whole family looked at me...

I'd graduate 1000 times just to see them be that proud of me again.

So with that being said... back to studying...

For my fellow

 first generation college students out there...

Stay Strong.

You can do it.

We made it this far can't turn back now.

Ta Ta ,

Happily Heartless

Good days , Bad Days

We all have them good days and bad days.
Good days will have you feeling unconquerable.
But bad days...
Are the worst.
All that strength you've acquired over the years boil down to a weak faint tear that keeps you bound to your bed.  Sometimes it keeps you bound to the fridge.
I guess my point is today is a bad day. Yes , it's only 8:33am. But what do you do when you don't want to get out of bed.  When crying seems like a better  option than smiling.

1.Eat a big healthy and fulfilling breakfast. Pancakes anyone ?
2. Play gospel or India arie. Either one will make you feel renewed.
3. Want to break down and cry go ahead.  But don't stay there for too long.
4. Lastly , get on a bike , bus , fly ! Do what you have to do to get out of that room.

The key is. Turn your bad day to a good day. A day is 24hrs and once those 24hrs is gone that's it.  Make sure you're days on earth mean something. Be positive. Be hopeful.

Ta ta ,
Happily heartless

Psychologist - Not For Black Women ?

So as a Caribbean American teenager.
I was very opposed to having anything to do with therapy.
We've all heard the stereotypes black people BLACK WOMEN don't go to therapy.
CHURCH is therapy . No body can help you like JESUS CAN ? Right ?
Yes , God is amazing and his mercy endureth forever. Yes , God has blessed me tremendously. However, What if therapy is the way God choses to bless you or heal your broken heart.
Well here's my question to you.
Why did God put therapist on the earth ?
Lol they are here for a reason ladies and gentlemen.
See therapy doesn't  mean that there is something necessarily mentally or socially wrong with you.
But rather , therapy is a place where you can possibly view things a different way or get to the root of many of your emotional issues.

Going into therapy on my campus was a HUGE step for me!
I worried what people would think of me or if there was something wrong with me.

Surprisingly therapy has managed to turn me from pessimist to an optimist.

Before Dr.D ,  (she's amazing by the way).

I was one who had a very dark world view.
I thought people were evil ( they are lol ) , and that nothing in life could bring joy.
See I didn't want a cat , dog , plant , boyfriend , baby , NOTHING living and those were my exact words to my therapist,

However ,
After a few sessions. I found myself looking forward to the future. I found my self romanticizing about actually having a husband , plants , ..... dare I say it kids. A long time from now of course... I'm only 18 folks.

See heartbreak will do that to you. Well heartbreak at the age of 18. But somewhere between consuming way too much junk food , listening to sad songs and crying on you're bedroom floor, something beams behind that door you refuse to open. HOPE! The new door and path you are afraid to take has something much more fulfilling than you will imagine.

SO if your life is a MESS and you need more than church,  go to therapy especially college students I mean you're paying for it. Wear a disguise , swallow your pride , pray do what you have to do and go.

Psychologist/Therapist are for Black Women too.

- Happily Heartless