They say if you do not expect much then you can never be disappointed. They tell you “now dont get too excited” , “girl.. dont get your hopes up” . We live in a society where having hope is viewed as a recipe for damnation. Having hope is viewed as self destruction .
But , Why , Why can't we wish and hope and dream and be excited. Is this what life has done to us make us become aloof humans waiting for the next wrong. I will not be a hypocrite and say I wasnt doing the same thing. I am guilty as charged . I was one of those people , consistently waiting for the other shoe to drop. Pretty crazy for a 20 year old but this has actually become a normal thing for people of all ages .
It's like people have become conditioned to pain and disappointment for so long that they can't comprehend happiness its difficult for them to understand. Everytime happiness knocks on their door they condition themselves to see an ERROR message. It is as if being happy is this 3 part calculus equation .. when we experience it .. when we see it .. much like trying to understand a complex equation we panic , we turn the page , we skip it and go on to another subject because it is unfamiliar , its too hard , its impossible.
However , much like a complex equation if we allow ourselves to sit and assess the situation we will discover that this mysterious and challenging thing called happiness is not as unfamiliar as we thought ,we have seen it before , we have experienced it before , we have done it before. Whether it be the joy you had when you got your first acceptance letter , or when your mother told you she was proud of you . It has been displayed to us time and time again even if for a moment. Im not saying sometimes we might have glanced away and missed a step. Yeah , we may have miscalculated , chose the wrong guy , been at the wrong place at the same time . But the best thing about equations is you can work it out numerous times till you get it right. And there is no one way to get to the right answers.
So yeah .. sometimes happiness seems like a bad equation you can't solve. But I will be the first to tell you that no matter how complex it is to get to happy , no matter how long it takes , you will get there again because it's not foreign to you … you've done it before. You will do it again. Keep working on your equation . I will however give you a cheat for this equation. Hope … you can not solve it without hope .
Ta Ta ,
Happily Heartless
Monday, 22 June 2015
Wednesday, 17 June 2015
Cutting off All Dead Weight : Relationships , Hair , Stress
I have always prided myself in being an open book.
The greatest thing my mother taught me was to never pretend.
There was no faking it till you make it . Its either you are or you aren't.
I spent majority of being 19 trying to be something. I was not sure what exactly what that something was but I wasn't happy. My weight was climbing , my confidence was declining and I was lost.
I guess they said its normal at that age . But my biggest fear was being stuck in this place of lostness . So I clinged on to familiarity because it was comfortable even when I knew it was time to let go. I still clung to it. I think the worst thing any person can do is cling to a painful and wrong familiarness just because we are afraid to experience the unknown.
I was guilty of doing just that . I was terrified of anything outside of what i was familiar with. I had the quotes that told me my life began outside of my comfort zone. I preached it to everyone around me but like the general population.. I didn't follow my own advice. Not until after my 20th birthday that is .
It was turning 20 that made me realize that letting go and going into uncertainty isnt always bad. After a rough semester , a rougher break up and falling to a place of standstill in the middle of foreignness . I began to find myself again. Crazy how you find yourself in the wilderness. I started to really try and understand what is I wanted and who it was I wanted to be. I wanted to stop trying to live up to what I THOUGHT people wanted me to be. I stopped trying to repair people ... because I realized that wasn't my job. I realized that it was my responsibility to fix myself... and even that responsibility wasn't solely mines.
So I started from the root , I looked within myself and did what my mom had been trying to get me to do for years. I took some time to discover myself. I stopped lying to myself . And gave myself a reality check. The first thing i realized was I was using relationships , hair and school to hide from myself. For years I used false hair as a security blanket thinking it would make me feel more beautiful or confident , thinking it would make people accept me or like me. I got tired of hiding behind weave. So I asked my dad who conveniently enough was a barber to shave off all my hair. It was the best decision I've ever made and I never felt more beautiful or secure .
I then started to let go of relationships and interactions that i spent more time fixing than enjoying. I stop letting people emotionally bind me . I walked away from things that made me feel like I was imprisoned. It was a liberating feeling and along with that the stress faded.
I worked and prayed hard to get to a place where I accepted myself and put myself first. I got here and it felt like after years of trying to stay a float in people expectations. I was able to walk on water in my own life and live not struggling to keep up. I encourage you to rise to the occasion and live YOUR LIFE . YOUR TRUTH,
- Ta Ta ,
Happily Heartless/
The greatest thing my mother taught me was to never pretend.
There was no faking it till you make it . Its either you are or you aren't.
I spent majority of being 19 trying to be something. I was not sure what exactly what that something was but I wasn't happy. My weight was climbing , my confidence was declining and I was lost.
I guess they said its normal at that age . But my biggest fear was being stuck in this place of lostness . So I clinged on to familiarity because it was comfortable even when I knew it was time to let go. I still clung to it. I think the worst thing any person can do is cling to a painful and wrong familiarness just because we are afraid to experience the unknown.
I was guilty of doing just that . I was terrified of anything outside of what i was familiar with. I had the quotes that told me my life began outside of my comfort zone. I preached it to everyone around me but like the general population.. I didn't follow my own advice. Not until after my 20th birthday that is .
It was turning 20 that made me realize that letting go and going into uncertainty isnt always bad. After a rough semester , a rougher break up and falling to a place of standstill in the middle of foreignness . I began to find myself again. Crazy how you find yourself in the wilderness. I started to really try and understand what is I wanted and who it was I wanted to be. I wanted to stop trying to live up to what I THOUGHT people wanted me to be. I stopped trying to repair people ... because I realized that wasn't my job. I realized that it was my responsibility to fix myself... and even that responsibility wasn't solely mines.
So I started from the root , I looked within myself and did what my mom had been trying to get me to do for years. I took some time to discover myself. I stopped lying to myself . And gave myself a reality check. The first thing i realized was I was using relationships , hair and school to hide from myself. For years I used false hair as a security blanket thinking it would make me feel more beautiful or confident , thinking it would make people accept me or like me. I got tired of hiding behind weave. So I asked my dad who conveniently enough was a barber to shave off all my hair. It was the best decision I've ever made and I never felt more beautiful or secure .
I then started to let go of relationships and interactions that i spent more time fixing than enjoying. I stop letting people emotionally bind me . I walked away from things that made me feel like I was imprisoned. It was a liberating feeling and along with that the stress faded.
I worked and prayed hard to get to a place where I accepted myself and put myself first. I got here and it felt like after years of trying to stay a float in people expectations. I was able to walk on water in my own life and live not struggling to keep up. I encourage you to rise to the occasion and live YOUR LIFE . YOUR TRUTH,
- Ta Ta ,
Happily Heartless/
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