I found myself looking at blogs from nearly 10 years ago.
I was 17 and swore I had my life figured out.
Well actually I knew I didn't have my life figured out and pleaded with my future self to remain present and not to sweat the small stuff.
Not a lot has changed. The location has changed, my appearance has changed, friendships and relationships have come and go as I predicted they would. But the message remains the same. Be Present.
I have been fixated on the book of Ecclesiastes as of recently and think about King Solmon's stream of consciousness on happiness (totally recommend you read it). He goes on this journey to find happiness and finds that in the end nothing truly matters. He concludes that we are merely here to have an experience and should cherish the experience. It's bleak but I can relate. I too have gone through the desire to find happiness outside of myself and have also discovered just how pointless it truly is because essentially, we all are distracting ourselves from the inevitable... death. I know not the most exciting topic to talk about, but I find myself fascinated with it. I pray I don't die soon but I also am just wanting to know more about people's thoughts on it. How they cope with the anxiety. Is it a spiritual grounding? Is it repression? Avoidance? Children? Love? And how does a person define a meaningful life... is it based on societal norms, culture, self-exploration?
In the midst of all this I find myself venturing back to my motto of being present. I'll be honest and say that I feel like it's all a distraction. To combat these feelings, I plan on incorporating more mindfulness in my days less screen time, more time outside, more journaling, more connecting, more feeling, more flowing. I release the need to know everything, I release the need to control, I am free, it feels good to be free and it feels good to be me.
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